Self Respect

I jumped off my bed.
With my left hand i was rubbing my eyes and with the spare one, I tried to open the lamp.
It took 3 or 4 blind movements to open it. Room was unusually hotter.
Sweat beads were coming out of my whole body and the breath got as heavy as stone.
I saw the shadow of mine on the right wall.it was akin to hulk. The same hulk i saw in nightmare just a few minutes ago.

My hands were tied by iron chain and i was bent on my knees.
I felt myself as a criminal standing completely hopeless and naked in front of him.
He interrogated me whether i know the reasons that why he took me there in the hell.

I hadn't made any sins in the past but still for the safe side. I recalled a few questions.

Had i killed someone? My soul replied with no

Had i raped some one?
Again it replied with no.

I shook my head as high ad i could at that time. But my eyes reached his abdomen only.
He gave me tip off to remember the since i would have made since 10th September
Oh Jesus, it was da day i tied myself in relationship with her. Now i was sure he wanted me to remind something related to her.
But i gave her the purest form of mine and never argued with her.
I accepted her every decision but what point i missed.
I had no clue at that time and i wouldn't be knowing it if i hadn't folded my hands and begged him to absolve me from my sins in case i made so.

He lowered his hands and placed them on mine.
They were as large as an oak tree but as firm as new born baby. He said -"You gave her your best at the expense of your dignity.
You had put your own self respect at stake because of the risk of losing her.
It is absurd because the respect which you gambled was never yours. It is what your soul earned in the cycle of karma. Soul is a child of god and you insulted god indirectly.
At this time you are in dreams or may be nightmare. But soon you will reach your materialistic world. But the decision will be all yours whether to live for your soul or not. I will come soon to remind you again "